Do you see what I Assisi?

The morning after the hail storm Cortona was a mess.  Dirt and leaf sediment flooded the streets and clogged the gutters.  Larger pieces of debris, branches, roof shingles, and the like were strewn about the town.  We quickly made our way down to check on Lucia:  She was parked in a public lot far below.  The lot is surrounded by trees, and we feared that one had perhaps fallen on her.  We don't know what we would have done if our baby was hurt.  Thankfully, she was alright...at least we thought so at the time...

Shaffer and Lucia....Get a Room!

Though she seemed to be physically alright, Lucia was pretty shaken up.  The storm had been very loud, and a lot of things were falling all around her.  Also, all of her car-friends had left very quickly, and she had been all alone.  She wanted to get out.  So we decided to blow that gelato stand and head out on a road trip.

Our first destination was Perugia, home of the Universita di Stranieri:  University for foreign students.  Some years ago, Sophie Kamesar resided here and was the terror of every man and boy in central Italy.  Stranieri is the perfect name for foreigners, we think.  No other word so completely victimizes and ostracizes
those who are from a different country.  Way to go, Italy!

Driving in Perugia was a bit of a chore.  On the way in, we saw signs to a zoo.  Amy wanted us to go there.  Shaffer probably did too, but for whatever reason he decided to skip the zoo, and head right into the middle of a maelstrom of traffic.  There was much swearing and gnashing of teeth.  We drove right through the center of Perugia, up the side of a very steep hill, and then back down.  We thought we saw the university as we reached the crest of the hill, but we are not quite sure:  We were too busy trying not to die to investigate properly.  After a brief sidetrack (something that would become the theme for the day) we got through Perugia, and were on track for Assisi. 

Driving in Perugia

Though only 20 or so miles separate them, Assisi and Cortona could not be more different.  Cortona is a Tuscan city, with a deep Etruscan history.  Assisi is Umbrian, with a deep allegiance to the Papacy.  We approached Assisi by driving through rich fields of wheat, corn, and sunflowers; the yellow-fringed heads craning eagerly to the summer sun overhead.  Assisi is a brilliant white city perched on the side of a mountain, its many church towers rising high above the other roofs and announcing its allegiance to the Pope.  Shaffer thought that it very much resembled Minas Tirith:  The white city of Gondor from the Lord of the Rings.  Nerd.

Beautiful Assisi!

We parked in a garage dedicated to the memory of Pope John Paul II.  While there is nothing facially wrong with that, there was something that felt a bit sacrilegious about naming an industrial building after a holy figure.  Kinda like having a dump named after Buddha, or the Mohammed Sanitation Building.  We’ve gone too far now.  But we could’ve deleted it and we didn’t, so I guess we are committed. 

We got a quick lunch at a small bar:  Sandwiches, pizza and beer.  It was good because we were hungry, and a bit grouchy.  We then struck off for the myriad churches of the town, and figured we would start with the biggest.  Assisi is primarily known for its homeboy, St. Francis.  It is terrible to talk about a saint that way, but after the previous paragraph we can’t really sink any lower.  Kim Cooper could though.  She always finds a way…  (Only kidding of course.  We love you so much Kim, and are secretly convinced that you are going to move to Florida with us.  Miss you!)

The cathedral of St. Francis was the biggest and most impressive that we had yet seen.  It was more than just a church, it was a compound, with pillared arcades lining the approach.  Words cannot adequately describe it, so we will let the picture below do the talking.  One thing that was particularly moving was that in the lawn stretching out before the church was carved Pax:  Latin for peace.  Despite all of the usurpations, wars, and other machinations of medieval Italy, this was a beacon of hope.  Mass was being held as we entered (an inspiring event), and we chose to respect the sanctity of the occasion by leaving and returning later.

Amy at St. Francis

We ducked in and out of the many shops that lined the narrow cobble stone street as we ascended through the town.  One thing that struck us was how many toy weapons there were in each shop.  It may be nothing more than a plot to get tourist money, but this seemed a town with centuries of fear of attack ingrained in it:  Understandable, as it stood at the border of rival Florence.  Several art exhibits lined the path:  We thought one very reasonable.  It sold a beautiful glass painting of sunflowers for only 54 euro.  Turns out 54 was actually the number that identified the painting:  The actual cost was 3500 euro.   We purchased several for our closest friends.  Start sucking up now.

Street in Assisi

We passed through a beautiful central square, replete with an intricate fountain and an ancient roman forum which had been converted into a beautiful church honoring Chiara, another saint from Assisi.  We trudged onwards to the height of the town, and the church of San Rufino.  Yeah we know we went to a lot of churches.  That’s all there was in the town.  And they were all gorgeous.

Despite his more famous brethren (Francis and Chiara), Rufino is the patron saint of Assisi:  It was in the church of San Rufino that Francis was baptized, and he often descended into the crypt to pray.  The church was magnificent, with paintings, frescoes, and phenomenal architecture.  It also had transparent floor panels:  Underneath were the ruins of a church built in 900 A.D.  It was perfectly serene…until Amy tried to use the bathroom and set off the alarm.  On the way out we snapped a picture with the lions that guard the entrance.  Shaffer got his picture with the friendly lion; Amy got hers with the lion that was devouring the Christian martyr.  She’s always been a little twisted that way.  Only joking Eileen Fahlgren…you are way more twisted than she is. 

Shaffer with the nice lion

Amy with the hungry lion

On the way back down, we stopped at St. Francis.  The admission was free, and the interior was nearly as impressive as the exterior.  There was both a lower and an upper basilica, and we started with the lower.  Beautiful frescoes adorned the ceiling, and each bay was dedicated to some saint or another.  We descended into the depths to view the tomb of St. Francis, and there was a holy air that surrounded the crypt.  A separate room held relics:  The clothes, wine chalice, and silverware of St. Francis.  An enormous mural of the last judgment greeted us as we ascended the stairs to a courtyard.  We took a couple of pictures, though we are not sure whether or not it was allowed.  But we did it anyway.  So take that Jen Costa.  Teach you to impugn Shaffer’s patriotism.

St. Francis

The upper basilica was beautiful, massive, and intricate.  Fantastic geometric designs adorned the ceiling.  We actually are doing it a disservice by trying to explain it because we can’t.  It simply defies description. 

Amy in the courtyard at St. Francis

By this point Amy REALLY needed to use the restroom, so we found a public one.  It charged 50 Eruo cents, which is pretty standard here.  That was the only standard thing about the restroom.  In the lobby, a local demanded that we pay the toll directly to him.  There was a machine with a turnstile that we thought we were supposed to pay instead, but in the end the man won out.  He took the money, and then kicked the gate as hard as he could, and wrenched on it with his hands.  Finally he broke it enough that he was able to coax Amy to squeeze through the opening.  He then made small talk with her as she used the restroom.  Seems a damned hard way to make 50 cents. 

We left Assisi feeling rejuvenated both in heart and soul.  Lucia was feeling much better after a day away from the hail.  We started towards home…or so we thought.  Funny thing is, we took the same exact road that we had taken from Cortona.  It is a straight road.  With no exits, roundy-rounds or other shenanigans.  How then did we wind up 30 kilometers from Rome; some 80 kilometers off course??  We didn’t notice the mistake until way too late.  Amy, the avid Star Trek fan that she is (wonder which husband forced her to watch the show every Saturday) surmised that we must have fallen into a subspace wormhole, which redirected our vessel.  Nerd.

After a brief trip up the autostrada (which cost us 6 Euro), we arrived back at Cortona.  The Euro currently enjoys an exchange rate of 1.46 over the U.S. dollar.  Thus 6 euro is approximately 9 American dollars.  So this has all been pretty damned expensive.  Donations are appreciated.  Too bad we are friends with a bunch of poor college students.  Luckily we room with Andrew and Erin:  Two hardworking, rich college students.  Wire us some money…please!

After a quick but delicious dinner, it was time for bed.  This was our last day in Cortona before heading south to meet up with Amy’s parents.  We enjoyed a bottle of wine on the balcony (as usual), and headed for bed.

Two Special shtout-outs: First to Ashley Von-Osdel, thanks for reading, Shaffer is sorry for being so grumpy when we worked together- it was just law school, he actually did like you.  Second, to Amber Aikens, we are all eagerly awaiting Hayden Christopher, Hang in there!!!

Up next:  Windy roads, Lucia gets an owwie, a sunflower goddess, huge beers, a fantastic lunch, a sword in a stone, Shaffer losing his arms, and a pull out couch:  Punta Ala:  The rich man (Michael Fahlgren’s) resort. 

P.S.  In the next blog, there will be a special shout out for the first person to identify the seminal, cult movie in which these lyrics appear prominently.  Hint:  It’s from the 1990s.  I could go out / and not even leave the house / a T.V. set and a bottle of wine’s / just fine… / crashin’ out on the old pull out couch / watchin’ Saturday night live…

Arrivederci!